god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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