found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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