the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
