honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
