im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
