Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
