i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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