the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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