I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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