There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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