how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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