So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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