the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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