I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
