Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
