Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

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(917): View more from New York City

my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

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(731): View more from Tennessee

Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility

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(216): View more from Ohio

I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose

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(913): View more from Kansas

She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?

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(330): View more from Ohio

my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark

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