I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My vagina is officially offended.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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