Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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