why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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