Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
