why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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