I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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