did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
