my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
