omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
