i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
