when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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