I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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