we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
