What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
