I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
