Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
