My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
