I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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