Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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