It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
