either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
