I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
