can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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