and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
