I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
