I just threw up on my dentist
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
