and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
