capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
