Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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