he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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