then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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