hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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