Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
