Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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