Your tits are I can't wait for
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize