yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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