it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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