Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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