Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
