Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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