Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
