the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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