I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
