if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
