it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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