she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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