was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
