508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
