last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
