This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
