Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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