shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
