speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
