Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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