All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
