If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
