My friends, they love my intelligence
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
