hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize