Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize