I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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