you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
